My life is complete.

*Has the first.. best.. most kick-ass... PANDA BEAR CHARM BRACELET.*

I'm in love with it.

I was bored and verrah upset this morning. So I went walking around and I had some money left over from what dad gave me last night when I went out with meh buds -- so, as per usual, I made my way up to Carolina Jewel. Everyone always thinks it's some fancy, diamond store.. but really, it's all eccentric and cool. And not just jewelry! Purses, and shoes, and bears, and.. all sorts of stuff. Wuff it <3

So, I saw this panda bracelet and I was like "YES. MINE. ALL MINE." Hurrah. But then I got in that "time to spend money" mood. So I got this little packet with 6 toe rings too. <3 And... about 6 of those Livestrong bracelets. Except mines weren't that "Livestrong" brand.. I think they're the off brand that aren't the same thing or something, lol, but they're purty. Strength, Endurance, Bravery, Hope, Peace, and Love & Romance. O: I didn't even notice the names, lol, I just grabbed the cool colors. But I was nice and gave the Hope one to my sister.

((We're obsessed with these things. We don't eat.. we don't sleep... we live off these bracelets.))

Anyway, hurray for spending money on random things. I dressed up all emo-punk today. My favorite thing. I'm scared, thuu. There's this freaky gang running around where we live, breaking into cars, stealing cars, harassing people, threatening and all that shit. I remember I went walking at night once and they started CHASING ME. Eee. Good thing I know the good hiding spots. Lol.

Erm, anyway. I'm trying to pretend to be happy and smile - acting is fun and I dislike when people worry or anything like that. So whatever. *shrug*

Last night I was lazy till Livvie called and said we were going to the movies. Soo.. I met her there, and Sara too. Er, and this guy I didn't know, he was a friend or something. Or could've been Sara's brother. Who knows, ANYWAY. ((He's a fecking genius.)) We went to Pasttime to see "The Dukes of Hazzard" (What can I say? I'm southern through and through. XD; )

BUUUUT. They were all sold out. Nooooo~ So, being the bright child I am, and knowing all there is to know (ahaha.. sure.) I suggested we just go to another theatre. So they all worshipped me and my genius greatness (or dragged me to the car.. ) and we went to Columbiana. Besides, it's a seksii theatre anyway. I just have to say - Sara's car is HAWT. <333 *loves on it*

Ehm.. so whatever-his-name-is baffled us the entire time with jokes, riddles, and his supreme intelligence.. and then we got there and got tickets YAAAY. Best movie everrrr. I'm serious, it was GREAT. Lmao. And it reminded me so much of where I live. And it was so weird - we got out of the theatre and the EXACT car from the movie was outside, and the same police car, and even a limo. And the car made the freaky horn beep and the police started chasing it.. like in the movie, it was GREAT.

So we left, Sara dropped me and Livvie off at her house and we hung for a little while, till I ordered dad to come get me. Lol. And just when I thought I could just stay home and talk to random people.. noo.. I get a call.

Jess said there was a party and wanted me to come. Now, I've been to some of their parties, and trust me, they're CRAZY. I haven't wanted to go to one in a while 'cause the last one got out of hand and some seriously screwed-up stuff happened. :B But she begged, said it was a calmer party this time, and I should go out and have some fun. Arg I hate you Jess. XD;

Just when I finally gave in, she said the ONE thing that made my whole night crash.

"Oh, it's at Ryan's place this time."

... why? why me? WHY ME?!

And for some idiotic reason I went. ((Got Jess to come get me though, it's all her fault anyway.))

Calm my ass. That was one of their *most* fucked up parties. @_@; The only time I drank, I think, was when we did our usual drinking games. But I wasn't really trashed or anything - I keep my alcohol pretty well. And I rule at those games. <3

For the first half, I managed to pretty much steer clear of Ryan. We smiled at each other when I first got there, prolly out of politeness, but about halfway through was when we started to glare. Thanks to Mason and Jess interfering AS USUAL =__=; we were the ones who were volunteered to go pick up some stuff at the store. Granted, it turned into a full-fledged screaming fight. No surprise there.

If I was in my right mind, I would've left, or maybe Ryan would've went the fuck away (ahaha suuuure he would.) but I was on a pretty good buzz, and he was his drunken asshole self. Ermm.. so.. somehow in the end we ended up hugging, and that turned into kissing, and then even heavier, and well.. you know how it goes. Maybe did some things I shouldn't have (like I always DO) but hey... there's one thing I can still squeal proudly.

After all these parties, even THAT one, I still have my virginity. XD; Fuck yes - something to be proud of. Well, we ended up breaking that off and going in seperate directions for a while.. finally Mason told me that I needed to find Ryan and talk NOW - we all concluded that this on/off thing was a piece of phony shit.. and that we couldn't be "over" but randomly making out either. I agree.. I just lose my sense around that boy sometimes.

It took about 25 people to finally figure out where he was - in some room or something. But by the time I busted in and was ready to talk about all of this, the only thing I saw was Ryan and Jaylin.. both lacking this thing called clothes. I didn't even want to SEE what they were actually doing, so I screamed at him (er, something about him being a damn player and ruining my life, blahblahblah) and ran off as fast as I could. But the loser caught up to me and screamed at me about being too emotional and POSSESSIVE. Possessive my ass!

It got a little worse, and we were both in each other's faces screaming, when he shoved me - pretty hard. By that time, I didn't care, and just let all the tears come, but he just screamed and threatened. Grabbed me by my arms and stuff like that.. I was THROUGH with it all by then, I didn't even care. Kurt and Mason helped get him away, and I got Jess to take me back home.

Well.. yeah.. that's about the extent of my horror last night. The major thing, anyway. :[ I need to stop getting involved with Ryan. I really do. It just hurts too much, EVERYWHERE. My arms are sore now..

I think he's called my cell at least 13 times, but I'm not picking up. I think today is just a day for sulking and moping. I'm an IDIOT.


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P.S. Does anyone make pretteh layouts? :B Kera needs le help.